it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
