She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
