Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
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