so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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