I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
