Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Randomize
