god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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