from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
