My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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