BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Randomize
