Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
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