Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Randomize
