One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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