Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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