Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I got inside last night via doggy door
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
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