the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
