It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Randomize
