Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
i came on her dog
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
