We won't sleep together?
I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Define "chronic" masturbator.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
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