I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Every concussion has its silver lining
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Randomize
