Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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