I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
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