if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Randomize
