She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
