well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Randomize
