i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Randomize
