Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
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