All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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