Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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