You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
