i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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