If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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