idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
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