genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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