After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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