is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
