I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
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