im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize
