break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Randomize
