first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
