Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Randomize
