is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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