i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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