he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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