Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
