the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
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