Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
