I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
