Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
