don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
ugly people sure do ruin things
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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