god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
