he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I need a burrito and a hug.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize
