He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Randomize
