What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Randomize
