Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
