I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize