You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize