The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Randomize
