I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
