FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Randomize
