I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize