At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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