i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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