this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Randomize
