Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
