Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
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