I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
