a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
