Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
