Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
