The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Randomize
