Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Randomize
