I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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