I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
