Whatcha textin bout Willis?
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
