Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Randomize
