I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
it was like eating out sand paper
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
