things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I got inside last night via doggy door
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
