You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Randomize
