I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Randomize
