I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize
