I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
