just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Randomize
