We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Randomize