it wasn't lemon gatorade
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
Randomize
