the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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