I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
