i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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