no, he came in my armpit
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
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