nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
