Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
