just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
