i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
