i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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