at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
So here I am, sexting at work.
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