just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
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